Recovering from Midlife Divorce – Step 3
Apr 14
This is part 3 of a series. Part 1. Part 2.
When recovering from your midlife divorce, one vital step is finding your new tribe. Sadly, you will lose friends when you get divorced. Sometimes people take sides in the divorce and maintain a relationship with your ex. Sometimes you realize that those people were really only interested in being friends with another couple and they cut off contact with both you and your ex. I also found that some women were not comfortable having me around their husband as a newly single woman.
When I got divorced after being married for 25 years, I did not have many single friends. Most of my friends were homeschooling moms who were married, or couples we knew from church or my husband’s workplace. Suddenly I didn’t fit into that world where every woman had a man by her side. I felt that difference keenly.
At first, I mostly kept to myself. I’m an introvert and the last thing I felt like doing was exposing my hurt to the world. Eventually, I started finding new friends. Most of them are single, but a few are married. I made friends in my Divorce Recovery group. I started acting in local community theatre and made friends there. Other places to meet new people are through classes, civic groups, or volunteer opportunities.
I also have many friends that I met through internet connections. These are mostly current and former homeschooling moms who were able to maintain a friendship with me despite the fact that I am divorced. Recently, I’ve started meeting people through blogging. Interestingly, I have found that the varied experiences of my internet friends have added a richness to the relationships that aren’t found elsewhere.
As an introvert, getting out and meeting people was hard. It moved me way out of my comfort zone. It’s worth it, though. People need other people.
How have you made new friends since your midlife divorce? Let me know in the comment box!
Isn’t it wonderful how the Internet has this innate ability to close the spans of distance between us, and make connections where otherwise there would be none? It has brought so many of us fabulous women close together – bonds that otherwise wouldn’t have been able to be forged as we live in various states, coasts, etc…I’m so glad you have found connections you need to get through this part of your life, Elizabeth. We women need our support groups to get through life – particularly divorce, and menopause!;)
Actually friendship is the hardest part of life for me. I’ve found that not only were my friendship basically decimated by my ex’s decision to walk out on our family and go live the gay life, but as my kids grew up and I was no longer a dance mom, soccer mom, scout mom, homeschool mom, etc. that my “friendships” with those in the same groups ended. Change churches – all the “friendship” I had at the old ends, except on facebook, even though we live in the same town etc. I have maintained, and found new, friendships in the online world but not so much in the real world. It seems like no one has time for friendship anymore. I miss having the busy social life I had that revolved around my kids and their stuff.
I’ve found that it’s a lot of work to begin and maintain new friendships. My best friends are online. I have history with those people that I don’t have with my new friends.
I know what you mean about losing Mom and Church friends. People like us terrify them. They’re afraid divorce is catching, and I’m sure church people are very disturbed since your husband left you to pursue other men.
Maybe you could try volunteering in your community, Holly. People who volunteer are usually upbeat and fun to be around.